well, i haven’t felt like this in a while. seriously, stay away from me because i will probably rip your head off today. it’s just that kind of day. i spent the morning in bed editing not wanting to really adult today or contribute to life in any way.
tomorrow is the one year anniversary of finding out we were pregnant and i didn’t expect to feel this way. i didn’t even feel this bad on the day that our baby was supposed to be due. yes i was sad, but today i am just pissed. pissed at the world, at my life, at my body that i feel like has failed me in so many ways, at everyone who has announced their pregnancy in the past few days. at the fact that people are now getting pregnant with their second baby. pissed that we have been trying for our first in the time that people have had their first, and now have moved onto their second. pissed at infertility and everything that we and i have gone through. pissed about having to change my life in so many ways in hopes that it will happen, but it hasn’t. pissed about the medication that i have had to pump my body full of. the countless appointments, needles and bills. pissed about how long it has taken for us to have something that we want so badly. something that comes so easily to so many other. pissed at all of those who take it for granted. pissed at the girl that i keep seeing standing by food 4 less and target with her young daughter begging for money. pissed at the people who don’t even take care of their kids, who expect others to do it for them. who expect others to change their life, their schedule, move their work around in order to take care of your kid because you don’t. hey, don’t worry about it. everyone else will deal with it for you. i know your life is so hard.