we FINALLY did it! we finally had our transfer. it has been so surreal. the past few months have been so hard because we didn’t think it was going to take this long. we knew that doing pgs testing would mean that we wouldn’t be able to do a fresh transfer and that we would have a rest month, however we didn’t think we were going to transfer 4 months later!
our transfer was supposed to be in december. i started the medication and started testing my ovulation, but hadn’t gotten a positive. we had an appointment to find out what was going on and the doctor found that my follicle was only at a 14. he said he thought i would still ovulate, but it would take a few days. they want your follicles to be around 18-20 before they give you the trigger shot to make you ovulate. i knew something wasn’t right though. i never have had a problem ovulating and have especially never ovulated that late in my cycle. i went back on day 14 and saw different doctor. i knew right away that something wasn’t right by the look on her face. it turns out that the first doctor was looking at the wrong follicle. i had two that had produced because of the medication i was taking and it was the other follicle that had actually dropped. so, we missed my ovulation. i was so bummed. i held back all my tears and we talked for a minute about our next option. I had already taken a month of medication to get ready for our transfer. medication that i hated! i was told that i was doing a unmedicated cycle so i was a little confused as to why i was even put on anything. after talking to the doctor i decided i didn’t want to go back on the medication. so the next cycle was going to be fully natural until our transfer and then i would take the medication needed to help the babies stick. i stayed really strong. got dressed. stopped to talk to my nurse who gave me my medication for the trigger shot and then as i walked out the door i started bawling. i called john and told him. i was so upset. i couldn’t believe that we had missed it. i let myself be pretty bummed for the rest of the day and then pulled it together knowing that everything happens for a reason and that it just wasn’t our time.
when i got home that day i realized that our next cycle would fall on a day where the lab was closed for cleaning so I knew that it would be 2 months before we would get to try again. talk about disappointed!
throughout all of this time with infertility you really lose yourself. so i pledged to get myself back again. go back to working out, do things i wasn’t able to do during our last cycle like have a few glasses of wine. live more in the moment. plan for the future, with or without babies. all things that are sort of difficult when you are going through infertility. it wasn’t until my ovulation window started again for the next month that i realized that i could possibly be able to transfer this month if i got a positive ovulation on a certain day. i was so excited and called the clinic to make sure that i was correct before getting my hopes up. see, the lab was closed until jan 4th so that meant if i were to get a positive ovulation 8 days prior to that, then they would be open on the day i would need to transfer. i spoke to the nurse and she confirmed exactly what i thought! as long as i got a positive on that certain day we would be good to go!
so here we go again. super happy and excited and instead of thinking about it all month long, we now just had a few more days. i ended up getting a positive the day that i needed to so i called up the clinic to let them know that i would need to come in that day for a ultrasound and my trigger shot. the response i got was not what i wanted to hear.
the nurse called me back with sort of confusion. she said that they were not expecting any transfers that month and that, although they are supposed to open back up on the 5th, they were getting some new equipment and wouldn’t be ready for transfers until the 6th. at this moment i almost lost my cool. i was very short and just hung up the phone. of course i started crying and telling john (who had been standing there when i took the call) what she said. i was so pissed! i honestly wanted to go get our embryos and go somewhere else. by this point i sort of felt like they were keeping them from us. they had missed one ovulation and then the next time they basically just told us “no.” ugh. it was devastating.
however, all of that is in the past now and we FINALLY were able to transfer our sweet baby girls!!!
the transfer went really well, although i pretty much thought i was going to pee all over the doctor. they make you drink a ton of water so that they can see your lining in order to get the embryos in the correct spot. there was a little bit of a miscommunication that day, which caused me to hold my bladder longer than expected. i had scheduled for an acupuncturist to come in and do acupuncture before and after the procedure. I was told my transfer was at 10 and that if i was doing acupuncture i needed to be there around 9. but when i spoke with the acupuncturist they told me that they confirmed my transfer was at 9 and to be there at 8. so that is what we did. we arrived at 8 and they sent us away because i wasn’t supposed to be there until 9. lol. i had started drinking a little bit of water by that time already. then we came back at 9 and i continued to drink more water. turns out that the acupuncture clinic had written down that i was going to come to them and not them to me so the doctor wasn’t there to perform my procedure. after all of this, i am still holding my bladder. he then showed up right before 10am and started acupuncture. after all the needles were in i was to wait 25 minutes to just relax. this was extremely difficult because i had a very full bladder. i told john at one point that he needed to just go get the doctor because i was about to pee the bed. once he came in, he took out the needles and told me that the transfer should only be 3 minutes and asked if i could hold it. i wanted the best results possible but was also a little nervous because relaxed was the last thing i was feeling and i know you are supposed to stay calm. 5 minutes later they came in with the catheter, placed it in the correct spot, and then called for the embryos. i was clenching so hard to not pee the bed. i had my eyes closed the whole time and ended up missing the whole transfer. but i am glad john got to watch and i hope that having my bladder that full did the trick!
everyday i am hoping to feel “something” letting me know that the transfer worked! i am doing a lot of praying and listening to mediation music. i was on bed rest for the rest of that day and continued it the next day. i also took day 3 pretty easy and took a nice long nap on the couch. i feel very grateful that i haven’t had to really work lately so that i am able to just concentrate on this.
as much as i want to be open with all of this i have just been saving these posts and not publishing them. the right time will come, but right now i just need to keep all of this close to us and our family and close friends 🙂